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Several years ago, I received a call from Old Mission Mortuary. They were looking for an open-minded female minister to conduct a funeral. I told them they had the right preacher! And then I found out that the deceased was a young woman, in her 30’s, who was married, had two children, and had died from breast cancer. Her name was Kala Su Ternes.

I didn’t know Kala, but I learned a lot about life and death from her. When I met with her family, they came in carrying a large manila envelope of items Kala put together for her own funeral.  In it were specific plans, information about the mortuary, the gravesite (I later found out that she walked through the cemetery, chose, and paid for her lot), and the funeral itself. She kept a journal as she lived and as she died, which the family gave to me.  Kala also put together poems (some she had written and others she found), notes for each of her family members, favorite Bible verses, her philosophy about life, and her thoughts about death.

Now I’ve seen people plan for their deaths, but I have to tell you that this woman not only planned, she processed it - emotionally, spiritually, and physically.  I want to share with you some of the things she put in the file:

One of the quotes was: “Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming – ‘WOW – what a ride!’”

And then she included in a letter to her husband this poem:

When time has stolen away our stars

And only the night endures,

Yet somewhere in the darkness, Love,

My hand will still seek yours.

When youth has danced its parting dance

And tasted its last sweet wine,

Yet somewhere in the silence, Love,

Your hand will still find mine.

As a minister, I have conducted literally hundreds of funerals and I have been privileged to be at countless bedsides as someone died. During those times, I have seen over and over again that there are worse things than dying. Marilyn Webb wrote a book entitled, “The Good Death”. The title was shocking to some but many of us know that there is such a thing as a good death.

I am told that when a charter member of another church I served, Irma Vice, was in the dying process, she invited friends to her home in small groups. She entertained them with food and said her goodbyes, sometimes gifting people with one of her possessions. This process took several weeks - but the impact of her life and her goodbyes continues.

Today and next week, I will be speaking about death & dying – the theology of death and life as well as some practical applications for each person. On Wednesday evenings, we are also exploring some of these topics. There are handouts in the foyer if you missed last weeks class. Theologically speaking, the transition from life can be as profound, intimate, and in some ways joyful as birth. We have Lamaze and many other kinds of programs to help parents who are expecting a child deliver that child into the world. Where are the programs to help families who are experiencing a death deliver that soul into eternity?

You’ve all heard that the only two givens in life are death and taxes. Think how many hours we spend each year preparing our taxes and yet, how little time we spend preparing for our own deaths.

Woody Allen said, “I don’t mind dying. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” That’s probably a sentiment we all share. It’s not so much the death itself – it’s our concern about pain, suffering, our families watching, or losing our facilities – that bothers us. Part of the problem is that it is extremely difficult to know how to talk to someone about death. A lot of it has to do with the fact that most people are uncomfortable addressing the subject and are trying to make themselves feel better. And some people spend a lifetime trying to avoid talking about death. That’s one of the reasons I am your minister. No matter your age, your health or your questions, I am available to talk with you about your death.

I want to establish files at RCC for each member of the church. The files can contain living wills, do not resuscitate orders, funeral plans, and emergency contacts. Often in a time of crisis, when a family is making difficult decisions, they forget things. If I have that information, I can be of help to your families. And it’s never too soon to start planning. I have my own funeral plans and medical decisions written out and copies given to various family members as well as the mortuary. When she found out that I had done this, our teenage daughter Erin sat down and planned her own services. The process of doing this not only helps your family but also has an immediate result – you live differently when you plan for your death.

As Christians we believe that death is a part of God’s plan for each one of us. And a realistic view of death actually should confirm our faith. Jesus told a story about the kin-dom of heaven and those who plan and even embrace it.

25 “At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. 2 Five of them were foolish and five were wise. 3 The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. 4 The wise ones, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. 5 The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep.

6 “At midnight the cry rang out: ‘Here’s the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!’

7 “Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. 8 The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.’

9 “‘No,’ they replied, ‘there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.’

10 “But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut.

11 “Later the others also came. ‘Lord, Lord,’ they said, ‘open the door for us!’

12 “But he replied, ‘Truly I tell you, I don’t know you.’

13 “Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.

Matt. 25: 1-13.

The parable tells us how to prepare for a good death. I want to look at each aspect of the parable and talk about what it teaches us about our deaths. There are three p’s to remind us the points of the parable – purity, preparation & praise.

1. Purity.  There has been much said about why the story specifies that the women who were bridesmaids were virgins. Most scholars believe that this is a metaphor for having a pure faith. All those who have a pure faith are invited to the wedding. This is the first thing we can do to prepare for our deaths… develop and deepen our faith; purify our minds, our bodies, and our lives. Those who trust in God trust that death is not the end. The death of our physical bodies is a transition into God’s eternal life.

2. Preparation. The obvious point of the story is that we need to take action and be vigilant. Our lives are not to be lived haphazardly, but decisively and with reverence. This vigilance is not something we can scramble for at the last minute like the foolish bridesmaids. It has to be a part of our preparation during our lives. As soon as we are born, we are on our way toward death. Why wait to consider it, plan for it, be ready for it before it comes?

This is the second thing we can do … take action and be vigilant. The only way to be ready on that day is to be ready every day. The work of our lives and our faith cannot be crammed into the one day when we meet our maker.  One author wrote, “If you want life, prepare for death.”

3. Praise.  When the cry was made, every bridesmaid awakened and trimmed her lamp. Each one prepared to give an account of her works and began to seriously consider whether her life was one lived with praise for God.  Self-deception was no longer possible. The darkest corners of their lives were shown.

The best way to prepare for that moment when we are accountable to God is to live in thanksgiving to God now.  Swiss psychologist Paul Tourneir wrote: “If one’s old age is to be happy there must be a change of attitude.  It’s important that this inner reformation take place as early in life as possible.”

This week, as your pastor and your friend, I challenge each of you to consider your death and your life. What would you like to be said about you when you die? What could you do to prepare, purify or praise God today? Will you arrive at your grave saying, ‘WOW!  What a ride!”?

Resources Utilized:

        Edson, Margaret.  “W;t”.  New York: Faber and Faber, Inc.  1993.

        Jenkins, Margie.  “You Only Die Once; Preparing for the End of Life With Grace & Gusto”.  Nashville: Integrity Publishers.  2002.

        Kung, Hans and Jens, Walter.  “Dying with Dignity”.  New York: Continuum.  1995.

        Trench, R.C.  “Notes on the Parables of Our Lord”.  Grand Rapids: Baker Books.  1980.

        Webb, Marilyn.  “The Good Death”.  New York: Bantam Books.  1997.